How Not to Win Over the Oracle of Delphi
by Burst.ofSILENCE
Summary: Octavian has a crush, and Rachel just doesn't know how to handle attention from boys. Octavian/Rachel, but it's p. much one-sided. OneShot. For Shirley.


**Written for Shirley (aka storyteller1425), who started freaking out on me a few months back because she saw a bunch of Rachel/Octavian art on Tumblr and started shipping it. This was a bit of a struggle for me to write, seeing as I don't really ship the ship and I've never written Octavian. I really hope you guys could give me feedback on it.**

**Credit must go to Shirley for not only prompting me, but for making awesome suggestions along the way.**

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Heroes of Olympus.**

* * *

**How (Not) to Win Over the Oracle of Delphi**  
_A guide unwittingly provided by Octavian, son of Apollo_

Rachel Dare was no stranger to misguided affections.

She'd spent the first half of her adolescence being courted by people who only wanted her father's money. After that, it had been _she_ who'd had misguided affections for a dorky kid who had a penchant for getting her into trouble, and who was best friends with a jealous blond girl who was practically his other half.

(In the end, Rachel realized she only liked him for the crazy world of Greek gods he'd brought her into. She got along really well with Annabeth now, too, so everything's fine on that end.)

Now that she'd been the Oracle of Delphi for two years, she thought she was done with all that drama. Apparently, she'd been wrong.

The annoying thing was, this guy should _know_ she was more or less banned from dating. He'd been around demigods long enough to know that dating the Oracle was a big no-no. And even if she wasn't supposed to be single, Rachel would sooner go out with the likes of Nico di Angelo – the skinny beanpole who was way too broody for a fourteen-year-old kid, whose father was on Apollo's shit list because of the incident with the previous Oracle, and who, by the way, was four years younger than her and didn't even like girls – than even consider going out with Octavian.

That's right; Octavian – Roman Augur and #1 hater of the Greeks – had a crush on her.

To be honest, Rachel didn't know how any of this happened. When she'd first met Octavian a couple of years ago, he'd been pretty hostile until she told him she was his dad's Oracle. After that, he just kind of stared jaw-dropped at her until she had left with Grover. She hadn't seen him again until last week, when Reyna and Frank finally pulled rank and forced him to attend this year's Greco-Roman exchange.

It had been a pretty weird re-meeting, to say the least. For the entire welcoming ceremony, whenever Octavian wasn't busy scowling at everything, he'd been staring at her. Rachel couldn't figure out what was so unsettling about it (aside from, you know, having the creepy scarecrow-kid bore holes into her head), until she realized that the way Octavian looked at her was reminiscent of the moony-eyed way Leo used to look at girls he had a crush on.

But the worst part was when the ceremony ended and everyone dispersed to do their own thing, and Octavian had sauntered up to her and asked her out on a date. She'd been so shocked that she barely managed to say 'no' before hightailing it out of there.

Rachel had been trying her damned hardest to avoid him ever since.

Just two more weeks, she constantly reminded herself. Two more weeks, and the Romans go back to San Francisco. She could hold out until then.

At least, she hoped.

* * *

Rachel stomped towards the Dining Pavilion, where Percy and Nico were sitting across from each other on the Poseidon table for a late lunch. She plopped down beside Percy, letting her head drop onto the table with a groan.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Dare?" Nico asked.

Rachel turned so her cheek was resting against the cool wooden surface. "Octavian just asked me out. _Again._"

Percy raised an eyebrow as he finished wolfing down his slice of blue pizza. "Again? That makes, what, three times this week?"

"Four, actually. He cornered me last night."

Nico snickered. "Aw, Octavian has a crush. How adorable."

Rachel snorted and lifted her head enough to let Nico see she was rolling her eyes at him. "Like you're one to talk about misguided crushes."

Nico somehow managed to scowl while being flustered. "I got over that years ago, Dare." He said, glancing awkwardly at Percy, "And if memory serves me right, I wasn't the only one with a 'misguided crush' or whatever."

_"Okay!"_ Percy stepped in before their argument could escalate. (Besides, it was pretty weird to watch them bicker over their old crushes on him.) He turned to Rachel and said: "So, Rach, what did you say to Octavian?"

Rachel, who'd temporarily forgotten what she'd been moping about, suddenly sat up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I tried to fake a prophecy at him."

Percy blinked. "I'm sorry, but did you just say you tried _faking a prophecy at him?" _

"Yep. I even did the whole shebang with the unfocused eyes, the rhyme, and everything." She replied grumpily, causing Nico to snort in disbelief.

"And how did your 'prophecy' go?" He asked. Rachel cleared her throat and recited the fake prophecy she'd lobbed at Octavian:

_"Come not close, interpreter of the fates. _  
_Emotions of rapture, Eros creates. _  
_The Oracle and Augur cannot be _  
_'Lest all demigods' doom be fine with thee." _

"Nice," Percy had to admit, it was pretty decent as far as prophecies went. "What did he say?"

Rachel threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "He honest to gods got _turned on_. Said something about how this meant we were blessed by Cupid himself and how he and I could bring doom to people together."

By then, Nico and Percy could barely breathe through all their cackling.

"Ha, ha. Laugh it up. It took me two nights to come up with that prophecy, and he misinterpreted it in three seconds flat." Rachel grumbled.

"What did you expect from the guy who reads the divine will of the gods through the innards of stuffed animals?" Nico said once he could reign in his laughter. His eyes drifted past Percy and Rachel's shoulders before chortling with mirth. "Speaking of the Augur, there's a scarecrow at your five o'clock."

Percy and Rachel turned around to find Octavian marching right up to them, determination written all over his face and posture. Rachel groaned, and the two sons of the Big Three failed to muffle their snickers.

"Hello, Oracle," Octavian said once he reached their table. Rachel suppressed shudders at the way he said 'Oracle' like it was a pet name, "I've consulted with the gods, and they've told me this afternoon will be very pleasant. Would you care to accompany me for a picnic in the woods?"

Absolutely fed up with having to turn him down, Rachel looked towards the boys, hoping they'd provide her with an escape plan.

Percy spoke up. "Oh, hey, I just remembered; Annabeth wanted to meet up before sword-fighting to... uh, review what we were going to teach today. Yeah. See you later, Rach." Before Rachel could call him out on his blatant lie, he quickly scrambled to his feet and left the Pavilion.

Nico was a little more upfront about being an asshole than Percy had been. The son of Hades held up his hands in the universal sign of 'you're on your own,' before sinking into the shadows cast by the support columns on the table and traveling out of the pavilion.

Sons of the Big Three, Rachel surmised, were utterly useless unless you needed something killed. Vowing to get her revenge on them later, she turned to address her pale blond suitor.

"Sure, Octavian, once you stop gutting everyone's pillows and stuffed animals." She deadpanned.

* * *

"Rachel!"

Oh, gods, here we go again.

Rachel didn't even bother slowing down her pace as Octavian jogged up to her, his belt for once free of teddy bears.

"Will you go out with me?" He asked, straight to the point. Well, at least there was no mention of auspicious afternoons or signs from the gods this time.

"Have you stopped murdering bears?" She asked flatly, not even bothering to face him. She'd decided to keep using that excuse after she saw how baffled it had made him in the dining pavilion the other day. After all, there was no way Octavian would actually stop harassing stuffed animals just to go on a date with her.

"Yes."

His answer had been so unexpected that Rachel actually stopped in her tracks and looked at him. "What?"

Octavian wore a proud smirk on his face. "I've stopped. Clearly, they make you uncomfortable. I'll just have to resort to other methods of interpreting the will of the gods." With a hopeful gleam in his eyes, he continued, "So will you go out with me now?"

For a moment, Rachel just gaped. Okay, so maybe it was possible that Octavian _would_ stop mauling teddy bears to get a date. Slowly, Rachel's mind began to panic. Oh, gods, this meant his crush on her ran even deeper than she thought.

Not really wanting to admit how uncomfortable and horrified her revelation had just made her, Rachel grimaced and muttered, "Sorry, Octavian. The answer's still no," before hurrying away.

"W-wait! What if I stopped insulting Jackson and the others? Would you go out with me then? Rachel!"

* * *

Octavian cornered her just as she was leaving Arts and Crafts. Like, literally came out of nowhere once she was near a corner of the room, giving her no chances of escaping. He took a deep breath, and with a slight, nervous tremor in his voice, said:

"SPQR you free tonight?"

Rachel blinked. She'd heard that correctly, right?

She scrutinized him. Aside from his fidgeting (which was normal for the Augur... oh gods, she'd clearly been exposed to Octavian too much if she was already picking up on his mannerisms; damn her artist's eye), he didn't seem like he was about to bust into laughter any time soon, which could only mean...

Oh holy mother of Apollo, he was serious.

"Um, no, actually." She said, and for the first time since Octavian began asking her out, she had a legitimate reason to turn him down. "Chiron asked me to go with Nico and Clarisse to check out a potential entrance to the Labyrinth in Arizona."

"Oh." Octavian was visibly put off, but he tried to act like he wasn't. "How long will you be gone?"

"Two days, if everything checks out."

"And you'll be free after that?"

"Maybe." She said automatically, then winced. She immediately wished her father hadn't drilled the art of vague answers into her for business purposes. Before Octavian could come up with a follow-up question, she excused herself. "I gotta go. Bye."

Later, Nico raised a questioning eyebrow at her when she showed up, clearly disgruntled.

"Octavian started using _pick-up lines_ today."

Rachel couldn't get the kid to shut up for a solid fifteen minutes.

* * *

"Go out with me or else."

Rachel couldn't help it; she snorted.

The Oracle turned away from the painting she was working on and faced the Augur.

"Or else, what?" She retorted. "You'll go back to gutting teddy bears?"

Octavian turned an interesting shade of puce as his mouth hung half-open, clearly at a loss of what to say. He couldn't go with what Rachel just said because the only reason he'd stopped with the teddy bears in the first place was so she'd go out with him; it'd be pretty counterproductive to remove his strongest card from play to win the entire game, so to speak.

Rachel smiled smugly, knowing she had him cornered. Maybe it was overkill, but she patted him patronizingly on the shoulder and said: "You have to follow through with your ultimatums, Octavian. Otherwise, you'll just end up looking pretty stupid."

Instead of being insulted, though, Octavian looked like Rachel had just given him the complete collection of the Sibylline Books in mint condition.

"You are absolutely perfect." He breathed.

Yep, the shoulder pat had definitely been too much.

* * *

"Did you know that in Roman mythology, heaven is Uranus?"

"Octavian, _get out of my cave!" _

Back to horrible pick-up lines, it seemed.

* * *

"Would it really be so bad to give the guy a chance?"

Rachel stared incredulously at the daughter of Athena. "You're kidding me, right? You're _encouraging this?"_ Annabeth just shrugged, causing Rachel to shake her head. "Nononono_no_. I am going to pretend that you didn't just tell me to _shack up with Octavian._"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "I didn't say marry the guy, did I? Look, you've been telling me that you want to experience dating before you turn twenty. Here's you're chance."

Rachel sputtered. "But it's _Octavian._"

"And I absolutely hate his guts," Annabeth agreed, "but you have to admit: he's been pretty serious about this whole thing. I haven't seen him near a teddy bear or even reach for his ceremonial disemboweling dagger since you told him to stop. Not only that, but he's also a son of Apollo's Roman form, so Apollo's more likely to approve of this little... experiment, so to speak."

Well, she did have a point there.

Annabeth stood up and brushed away the dust from her shorts. "I'm just saying, Oracle Girl, it's going to be a really long time before Apollo lets you off the hook. You might as well get some dating experience from someone whom he won't smite at a snap of his fingers."

* * *

There was a teddy bear sitting in front of the entrance to her cave.

It was one of those cheesy ones you'd see all over the city during Valentines Day: honey-colored, with beady brown eyes and a red heart in its fluffy paws. When she lifted it up, she spotted a cream envelope underneath. Rachel opened it and read the note.

_Have you prophe-seen my heart anywhere? I could've sworn you stole it. _

There was no mistaking who sent her the bear. You'd think the guy would run out of terrible pickup lines by now.

Footsteps came up behind her, and when she turned around, Octavian was there with a hopeful look on his face.

In response to his look, Rachel only said one word: "Why?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean 'why?'"

"I mean, why do you like me? As far as I can tell, Octavian, we don't have anything in common aside from the whole 'predictors of the future' gig. You love manipulating people and situations to your advantage, and I tend to avoid that stuff thanks to my dad. And I might be mortal, but I'm affiliated with the Greeks, and you hate us."

He ducked his head, and in an unusually shy voice, said: "You're the only Greek I can stand, actually."

Despite herself, Rachel's lips twitched up in the slightest of movements. Okay, that was actually pretty sweet. Kind of.

It was sweet for Octavian, okay.

"As for everything else, I don't know. There's just something about you that... draws me. It could just be the spirit of my father's Oracle, or it could be something else that's just inherently you. That's what I'd hoped to figure out, maybe over lunch?"

And_ that_ was just sweet in general. Stupid sons of Apollo and their stupid way with words.

Rachel flashed back to her conversation with Annabeth the other day. She didn't need Annabeth to notice how serious Octavian was being (honestly, she'd never met anyone as persistent), and this little speech just proved it even more. She sighed and held up a finger.

"One chance," she said, "But if our date ends up dooming the demigod race, I'm pulling the plug, got it?"

Octavian's face lit up with a smile that looked so foreign on him, but it made his thin face seem less creepy.

* * *

"Rachel!" Percy began yelling even as he was still fifteen feet away from her perch on the porch of the Big House. He was waving something orange around in his hand. "Your stupid scarecrow suitor killed Nemo!"

She finally realized that the orange thing he was holding in his hand was the stuffed clown fish she had given him as a gag gift last year.

Octavian was hot at his heels, ready to defend his actions. "I needed to check whether today would be an auspicious day for our date!"

As the two boys headed towards her, one furious and one defensive, Rachel tried to fight off an oncoming headache.

_Why her?_

* * *

**Reviews are loved like whoa (esp. for this one because somebody _please _tell me _how do you Octavian.)_**

**Also, Shirley, I'm apologize for the wait (but I hope you liked the thing).**


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